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13 Dos and Don’ts of Marriage | by Meghan Cobble

Under rumpled covers amid dirty laundry piles nearby left for later, he and I rest along side one another’s skin. I know him.  And he, me.  I sense his heart when it’s vexed with the heavy sting of days unsettling. Decisions.  Directions. Best practices and better intentions lived.  I feel his gladness just the same. In those long, easy stretches of freedom from the bushel & a peck that confines him as the leader of our home.

Marriage brings forth the collective. Our utmost for His highest, a most resounding holy yes.  It compels hearts to pound better; it twists the vessels of us singularly to investigate and practice more of what it means to be plural.  It is work.  It is wonder. It is grace and grit.

I am a wife of 15 years. It is with this tenure that I offer my 13 dos and don’ts of what these 5, 745 days have taught me as Mrs. Cobble.

Do…

 

1. Balance. Your heart and your words.  Commit yourself to knowing the time to speak, to act and to let go.  Superficial distractions can suffocate a marriage.  It’s everything to learn the heart of your spouse.  And to know the beauty of time together versus one more thing monotonous and unimportant to care best for the sanctity of husband and wife.

2. Believe… in him when he can’t.  Speak the courage he so longingly needs to hear. Pray him up. Build upon the truth that you know rests inside his heart.  Focus intently on the man you married and the man He has plans for him to grow to be.  Life challenges us to grow.  Champion the man that married you.

3. Know your strength. Each spouse has deposits of strength encased in their individual personalities.  Some are hardwired for organization.  Others are encouragers, resourceful, receptive, or great at discernment.  Own your role.  Be you triumphantly.  Not just for yourself, but for the beauty of the union you have been given.  Honoring one another’s strengths creates an atmosphere doubled with successful traits for marriage survival.

4. Touch. Hold hands. Kiss publicly even.  Be magnets more.  Touch is critical in the overall success rate of a marriage.  Couples have a hard time NOT touching when courting. Why should marriage be any different?  I love this article as well as this one on the power of touch in marriage. Touch is a language just as powerful as words.

5. Laugh. Smiling and laughing with the person you create a home — a life — with is crucial. Mistakes are gonna happen.  Appliances are gonna break.  Appointments are gonna be missed. Why not make sure that good healthy doses of funny bust up the the hiccups and hold ups?  Laughter reminds us that we’re human.  It releases natural feel-good hormones and gives us the gusto to cope.

6. Make it business and pleasure. Finding the best rhythm to bring joy to the job of “us” is key for maintaining good marriage health. But it can’t be bells and whistles and roller-coaster rides all the time. It takes work to make a successful company run, and that’s exactly what your marriage is. Just don’t allow business to stifle the life out of loving one another; this is the culprit that causes staleness and complacency as Mr. and Mrs.

7. Find your together; enjoy your apart. You are awesome.  So is your spouse.  Absolutely celebrate the awesomeness that you are as one team.  Capitalize on your strengths {#3}, believe in one another {#1}, and be real as you live out your marriage.  That’s what the best together looks like.  BUT DON’T FORGET:  You were awesome before you were married.  Take time to be you.  Singular in interests and keeping up with the great friendships you had prior to “I do” is important to making sure that you are the best individual you can be. Morphing yourself into “mate for life” and forgetting who you were before is not only unhealthy, but codependent.

13 tips for doing marriage better @meghancobble #theopendoorsisterhood #powertothesisterhood Click To Tweet

Don’t…

 

8. Belittle. Putting down the person you love in order to make a point or boost your ego disgraces the sanctity of your twosome TEAM.

9. Boast. Flashing lists of what you do well, how you care for your family, or what you are known for in front of your spouse or anybody sends a pretty clear message: ME before US.

10. Serve self. The more you plan and prepare life for you singular, the more you miss the big picture of marriage.  A healthy balance of you-time is crucial, warranted and needed, but together means just that: Together.  Working.  Growing.  Sharing. Building.  Self-serving serves only the self.

11. Save face. If your pride matters more than your marriage, you are in for a miserable life.  In marriage, ridiculous things transpire.  Low levels are stooped to and complete blunders happen, making huge opportunities for self-reflection.  Live those out with a humble heart and know when “I’m sorry” is needed.

12. Keep secrets. Unless you’re surprising your spouse with a gift, marriage has no place for secrets.  Who you talk to and spend time with are open books within marriage.

13. Suck up. It’s clearly fake and it’s taking the long way around to solved the communication breakdown that has occurred.  Take the time to address the issue, confront the feelings, and move forward to a healthier assembly of “us.”

~ ~ ~

Meghan Cobble is a lifestylist.  She is passionate about connections, quality in-your-own-skin living, and spreading God’s joy. She is an encourager and natural -born teacher.  Her words are found at meghancobble.com while her heart is settled inside room 2207 as a 7th grade science teacher in Maryville, TN.

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