The loneliness hits me at strange times.
Like when I have some time for myself and I’m sitting in my car. I want to call a girlfriend to take a walk or browse TJ Maxx- and then I realize I don’t have those kinds of friends yet. I end up wandering around by myself trying to fill the loneliness that I know a new pair of shoes or even finding a cool place to hike won’t fill.
I recently moved with my husband and two sons across the country from Cleveland, Ohio to Kansas City, Kansas. With any big change it was exciting discovering new places in our city, exploring together, cheering for the Royals victory (even though we aren’t sports fans) and jumping into a new job I was really excited about.
But when we’d visit new churches or I’d meet other moms at my son’s elementary school I felt alone, realizing that I didn’t have a posse of girlfriends here in KC. When I lived in Cleveland I would go out with my girlfriend Jessica for “emergency ice cream” when one of us would have a rough day. Over our cups of Mitchell’s homemade brambleberry crunch we’d talk about our struggles in parenting, marriage, work or just laugh together. When I moved away I gave her an engraved ice cream scoop that said “for emergency use” and joked about using it for when we had our regularly scheduled calls.
You may have not moved to a new place but I’m guessing that you might feel similar to how I do being in a new place. Lonely because your girlfriends aren’t nearby or you don’t have anyone close you feel like you could talk with. Exhausted from parenting and repeating the same thing over and over again (where are your pants?! We wear pants at the table!) Confused not even knowing what you need to care for yourself because it always gets pushed to the bottom of the list.
I’d feel hopeless if it weren’t for sisters. My actual sister Rachel would talk and pray with me every week- a lifeline amidst all the small talk I was making with new people. My girls in the Open Door Sisterhood would send a text. Leave a voicemail or just message me on Facebook reminding me that I wasn’t alone.
I’ve realized I need a posse of sisters because I need space in my life to be heard by others, to be lifted up when I feel down and to be reminded that I can keep going because I’m not alone. God gave me the Open Door Sisterhood at such a perfect time in my life. I needed support, prayers and women who I could ask random questions to and not have them think I was crazy. We are better together in part because God never meant for us to be alone.
What would it look like for you to reach out and cultivate a small group of girlfriends who became your posse? Not to fix each other, have a gripe-fest or vent about a stressful job, but to encourage one another, to share openly, know you are heard and to have hope that your posse has your back. That’s what a sisterhood looks like.
Jessica Fick makes her home in Kansas City with her two sons and husband. She is the author of Beautiful Feet. Connect with her at jessicaleepfick.com.
Thank you for this. We recently moved from Colorado to Oregon and this is often how I feel. It’s always nice to know “it’s not just me.”
I love you, Jess. Your honesty, humor, integrity — all the ways you are you. I’m praying you’ll find your posse, and, in the meantime, I want you to know that even though I’ve got mine, the loneliness still hits me heavily. Part of being human and homesick for another world, I guess. And can I just say that personalized/engraved ice cream scooper is one of the best gift ideas ever!! I love you.
Oh my goodness, I understand perfectly. I wish you had moved near me! We could’ve had a wonderful time at TJ max!! Lol. We moved 9 years ago, and although we attend church, and my kids attended and finished school, I was never able to make the kinds of friends I left behind.